Dear Amma-Appa,
Here comes my first letter to you both. I haven't have found the need for writing one so far, for I have had articulated myself quite honestly in your physical presence. Now, there seems to be a communication gap between us. More so, since the talk of my marriage was in air since a year and half back.
Until a few years ago, there were susceptible and sensible concern within you about the delayed start of/break in my professional career. Even then, I was leading a contentful life with the right proportion of love, happiness, togetherness, fulfillment except for living too dependent on you and my brothers financially. I consider that phase of my life as very much explorative, enlightening and endearing. That phase was instrumental in shaping me as a person.
As I am a married software professional now, I expect you to be living in peace. However you still harbour the same sense of worry and disappointment even after my getting married. This uncalled for preoccupation is borne primarily out of your concern for my well-being. The secondary reason is that you consider yourselves to be morally accountable for arranging and spearheading this marriage of mine with Nithyaji. The other two marriages held in our family were love marriages.
Let me clear the air now. Before that, let me tell you a story. A story with a few disaggregated scenes. At the outset let me put this disclaimer. I am not a good story teller. My random attempts at story-telling to my nieces have ended up in my sleeping while it was meant to induce sleep on our kids. Yet I know you wouldn't mind listening to it.
Scene: 1
An Alzheimer inflicted wife forgets everything and everyone except her husband and his name.
Scene :2
A husband who used to board a 5'O clock train at 4.30 itself risked missing his train even after having boarded it on his usual time. He detrained at around 4.55 to get a bottle of packaged cool-drinks for his wife. He claimed that she doesnt wish for things usually and he wouldn't want to let her miss this cooldrink which she had asked for at the nth minute.
Scene 3:
A wife voluntarily and impulsively stretched her hand to hold her husband who was tripped while stepping up in an escalator. This happens despite she herself finding difficult to step on it.
Scene 4:
A husband who had never thought about availing any health or life insurance in his young age, strives to secure his wife's financial independence in his absence ,and thus her dignity by nominating her name for a few lakh rupees worth of govt.bonds.
Scene 5:
A wife complains about frequent squabbles popping out with her husband. However when a family friend was complaining about frequent misunderstandings with his wife in their older ages, she goes extra-mile in trying to understand(her husband) whether such misgivings in life could be because of old age.
******End of the story*****.
The first scene in this story was from a Tamil movie called "Oh Kadhal Kanmani" while the rest were happenings from your own life. A life of a woman in her 60's and a man in his 70's. It was not a life of a newly married couple who were in their honeymoon period.
Herein, I do not want to paint your marital life as a hassle free and flawless one. These incidents of love, care, sensitivity and understanding do not establish your marital life as the perfect one for it had its won share of ups and downs. Of course, life is all inclusive.
However, it only indicates that I am inducted into marital life. Because I have stopped viewing you both just as my parents. You appear as a senior couple to me. I am tempted to see everything marital in others' relationship. I think I am getting engulfed in the tides of family life even within a year of getting married - for good or bad.
Let me try to explain my marital life by a simple case. I have travelled home for atleast 9 times since last April. 5 of those inevitable travels were without Nithya. Although I get immersed in the company of urs, our kids, a few sisters and or in the special events etc in the first day of my stay, I tend to think about and miss Nithya on the second day. However, she is caring, understanding and open enough to let me stay for a day more if in case I wish. I haven't have availed that 'comfort' yet.
Further, I dont hold a tendency to peek through our neighbourhood windows to find out the fun the inhabitants living there have or the goods they possess. I live life in my own right and might. But I have learnt and unlearnt to accept, agree, accomodate, adjust and thus accomplish in life. Comparisons, judgements, jealousy and thus resentments are very rare in my life at this age.
This sums up my life for you. And regarding the arranged marriage vs love marriage debate, I hold myself accoutable for actions I have committed and omitted in life. My marital decision was more of mine than it was yours. I standby that.
Moreover, you both tend to declare that the life-partner choices of my brothers are perfect, whenever you find a chance even though you were initially reluctant about and refusing their choices. When you both exhibit such a maturity , as a son of yours , why wont I? After all I am not just a year older now but also a year wiser and matured since I am married. Of course there are a few grey hairs on my moustache now.
So go, get and retain peace. We love you.
Here comes my first letter to you both. I haven't have found the need for writing one so far, for I have had articulated myself quite honestly in your physical presence. Now, there seems to be a communication gap between us. More so, since the talk of my marriage was in air since a year and half back.
Until a few years ago, there were susceptible and sensible concern within you about the delayed start of/break in my professional career. Even then, I was leading a contentful life with the right proportion of love, happiness, togetherness, fulfillment except for living too dependent on you and my brothers financially. I consider that phase of my life as very much explorative, enlightening and endearing. That phase was instrumental in shaping me as a person.
As I am a married software professional now, I expect you to be living in peace. However you still harbour the same sense of worry and disappointment even after my getting married. This uncalled for preoccupation is borne primarily out of your concern for my well-being. The secondary reason is that you consider yourselves to be morally accountable for arranging and spearheading this marriage of mine with Nithyaji. The other two marriages held in our family were love marriages.
Let me clear the air now. Before that, let me tell you a story. A story with a few disaggregated scenes. At the outset let me put this disclaimer. I am not a good story teller. My random attempts at story-telling to my nieces have ended up in my sleeping while it was meant to induce sleep on our kids. Yet I know you wouldn't mind listening to it.
Scene: 1
An Alzheimer inflicted wife forgets everything and everyone except her husband and his name.
Scene :2
A husband who used to board a 5'O clock train at 4.30 itself risked missing his train even after having boarded it on his usual time. He detrained at around 4.55 to get a bottle of packaged cool-drinks for his wife. He claimed that she doesnt wish for things usually and he wouldn't want to let her miss this cooldrink which she had asked for at the nth minute.
Scene 3:
A wife voluntarily and impulsively stretched her hand to hold her husband who was tripped while stepping up in an escalator. This happens despite she herself finding difficult to step on it.
Scene 4:
A husband who had never thought about availing any health or life insurance in his young age, strives to secure his wife's financial independence in his absence ,and thus her dignity by nominating her name for a few lakh rupees worth of govt.bonds.
Scene 5:
A wife complains about frequent squabbles popping out with her husband. However when a family friend was complaining about frequent misunderstandings with his wife in their older ages, she goes extra-mile in trying to understand(her husband) whether such misgivings in life could be because of old age.
******End of the story*****.
The first scene in this story was from a Tamil movie called "Oh Kadhal Kanmani" while the rest were happenings from your own life. A life of a woman in her 60's and a man in his 70's. It was not a life of a newly married couple who were in their honeymoon period.
Herein, I do not want to paint your marital life as a hassle free and flawless one. These incidents of love, care, sensitivity and understanding do not establish your marital life as the perfect one for it had its won share of ups and downs. Of course, life is all inclusive.
However, it only indicates that I am inducted into marital life. Because I have stopped viewing you both just as my parents. You appear as a senior couple to me. I am tempted to see everything marital in others' relationship. I think I am getting engulfed in the tides of family life even within a year of getting married - for good or bad.
Let me try to explain my marital life by a simple case. I have travelled home for atleast 9 times since last April. 5 of those inevitable travels were without Nithya. Although I get immersed in the company of urs, our kids, a few sisters and or in the special events etc in the first day of my stay, I tend to think about and miss Nithya on the second day. However, she is caring, understanding and open enough to let me stay for a day more if in case I wish. I haven't have availed that 'comfort' yet.
Further, I dont hold a tendency to peek through our neighbourhood windows to find out the fun the inhabitants living there have or the goods they possess. I live life in my own right and might. But I have learnt and unlearnt to accept, agree, accomodate, adjust and thus accomplish in life. Comparisons, judgements, jealousy and thus resentments are very rare in my life at this age.
This sums up my life for you. And regarding the arranged marriage vs love marriage debate, I hold myself accoutable for actions I have committed and omitted in life. My marital decision was more of mine than it was yours. I standby that.
Moreover, you both tend to declare that the life-partner choices of my brothers are perfect, whenever you find a chance even though you were initially reluctant about and refusing their choices. When you both exhibit such a maturity , as a son of yours , why wont I? After all I am not just a year older now but also a year wiser and matured since I am married. Of course there are a few grey hairs on my moustache now.
So go, get and retain peace. We love you.
Thought of reading the beginning and continuing it later, but I found myself all the way in the end! Just got slipped into your words.. Luvd it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for ypur feedback Hareesh- Rajeev
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